App (July 9, 2011)

[apainintheneck]

Character: Sophie-Anne Leclerq
Series: True Blood
Character Age: 500+, although she appears to be in her late teens.

Canon: Two years after vampires “come out of the coffin” and reveal themselves to the world, the world still hasn’t quite figured out how to handle it. Sookie Stackhouse, a telepathic waitress living in small town Bon Temps, Louisiana, isn’t sure either – especially after vampire Bill Compton comes into her life and she discovers that he’s the only one whose thoughts she can’t read. As Sookie and Bill’s relationship deepens, Sookie finds herself involved in a supernatural underground she’d had no idea even existed, including the complicated relationships between members of the vampire hierarchy.

Sophie-Anne is the vampire queen of Louisiana, a role that has allowed her to do pretty much nothing but play board games, drink blood and have sex with whomever she wants for hundreds of years. Sophie-Anne is spoiled, self-important and has a tendency to ramble on about whichever topics suit her fancy. She’s obsessed with all of the luxuries being a queen provides her, including a day room (which is pretty much what it sounds like – a room that simulates daylight), a court full of vampire guards, and a posse of human blood donors/lovers. Sophie-Anne is demanding and sometimes threatening, but for the most part not overtly cruel - she treats her human lovers with care and decency and hasn't forgotten her own human origins. She speaks regally most of the time; however, she’s capable of using slang and speaking in a more modern, often crude way when she feels it’s necessary or it strikes her fancy.


Sample Post:

Ah, summer camp! How delightful. Now I know I really am in hell. And the place has such an ironic name, too! Just imagine my horror and grief upon discovering that at Camp Fuck You Die, there is absolutely no fucking allowed. None. Ugh, being here is like having ten thousand silver spoons when all I need is a knife.

Well, there's no fucking here on the farm, but there are plenty of dead people. Of course, they're not exactly the kind I like spending my time with, but they'll serve their purpose. After all, if this is to be my new queendom, I'll need a temporary court until I can find more suitable members, and this place is nothing if not full of the supernatural. Marcy, you'll begin construction on my new day room. I expect all eight of your appendages to be doing their very best job, because when the room is done, we're all going to play Yahtzee! Fester and Lurch, you'll be in charge of setting up the pool and making sure I have lots of pillows and a good chaise lounge that won't stain easily. The rest of the zombies shall be my guard. I’ll tolerate absolutely no backtalk. Remember, your brain stems are hanging on by a thread, and although I haven’t checked, that was probably a literal statement.

You know, I've never understood why it is that zombies are so popular. There's just no excitement when it comes to a zombie! No mystery, no pizzazz! You shuffle around and rot and beg for brains, and honestly, where's the fun in that? I mean, you can have some really good sex with a vampire, but what are you zombies good for, exactly? Certainly not that. Not unless you run into a lot of people who are into some really freaky shit, anyway. And you're so damn stupid on top of being practically useless. All the idiocy of a baby vampire and none of the potential! It's tragic, really. It's so strange that the two of us both started out as human beings, and yet you've become nothing but a bunch of slowly decaying hobos, while I... well, until a few hours ago, my nights were spent listening to classical music, playing board games and having lots and lots of sex. It's all so random. And sort of sad.

I’m sorry, everyone. Listen to me ramble on about the undead as if you guys can actually comprehend what I'm saying! Judging by the glazed look in your eyes – those of you who still have eyes – I’m obviously confusing the hell out of you, so I’ll just lay it out in the simplest way possible: your life sucks. Trust me; I’m a vampire. I know.